Fiction: Having It All

We live in fictitious times.

Before we plow into a full-blown discussion about love, let’s first tackle the

modern gal’s mandate to have it all—a great partner, a brood of exceptional

children, a well-run household and a high-paying/meaningful career . . . all

at the same time. The problem with this seemingly excellent idea is that

once we actually do have all these wonderful things, life can get rather

overwhelming.

Over the last four or five decades, somehow the boys on Madison Avenue

have convinced us to worship at the altar of having it all. However, many of

us have found that getting it all often costs more than having it all is worth.

Why? Well, partly because for working gals, having it all often means

doing it

all—and it’s difficult to be a serious professional while wearing three-inch

heels and a thong.

On the other hand, many men focus first and foremost on having a great

career—and then maybe a hot wife (yes, she must be hot) who’ll take care

of all the rest. As a Harvard professor asserts in his book Manliness, “Men

and their success at work are intertwined.”3 For many a man, the end of his

career equals the end of his identity, and retirement becomes a hellish

purgatory. We love men and want them to be themselves. If a man and his

manliness are intertwined vis-à-vis work, then we are here to help.

Let’s review:

Men are built to make money.

• Smart girls should exploit this.

Before you get your panties in a bunch—don’t get us wrong—we know

women are more than capable of making a living. We believe in equal rights

and equal opportunity and all the great things that the women’s movement

has given us.

But we can’t ignore the way things have turned out. We girls are all the

lucky recipients of the hard work of the women who came before us. We

believed their promises and pinned our hopes on the twin dreams of having

it all and happily ever after.

But those dreams didn’t come true for a lot of gals—hardworking post-

feminist women who are feeling more than a bit fed up. Here’s the story of our friend Georgia, a case in point.

Georgia earned a degree in business administration and eventually landed

a job with a furniture manufacturer. Within a couple of years she was

practically running the company, although above her were two tiers of male

executives who seemed to do nothing at all. She was thrilled with her

career, but deep down what she really wanted was to find her Prince

Charming. When she met Aiden at a nightclub, love blossomed when each

confessed their secret addiction to highly experimental sexual practices and

the music of Rick James.

They wed but put off having kids because of Georgia’s busy schedule. Aiden

had dreams of being a successful landscape architect, but in reality he

worked on and off as a gardener.

Aiden looked good, shirtless and sweaty, while pruning the roses in front of

the house. So although Georgia was tired, she didn’t mind working out

every day at the gym to stay sexy for her guy.

She didn’t even mind paying the bills.

Then, three years later, one of her do-nothing managers fired her on a

technicality and replaced her with someone’s do-nothing nephew. She had

crashed into the glass ceiling she swore never existed. Months later, Aiden

moved out. While she had been busy selling truckloads of computer desks

and climbing the Stair Master to nowhere, he had fallen in love with a girl

he met at the community gardens who, like him, was passionate about

eradicating chemical pesticides. (As for her sexual practices, Georgia never

found out.)

Suddenly, Georgia was jobless, exhausted, and totally alone.

Georgia had drunk the Kool-Aid of our times—a combination of the sweet

powder of romantic love plus a quart of happily-ever-after, with a jigger of

workplace success, shaken until her brains were stirred. She awoke with a

hangover and has yet to recover. Why? Because she believed that her

competence and hard work would translate to workplace rewards, and she

deeply revered the myth of Prince Charming.

Just like all of us, she thought it would never happen to her—but it happens

all the time. In relationships and the workplace, tossing the old broad out is

commonplace. Loyalty and honor are out of place in our disposable culture:

Women are often easily pushed aside, replaced with more lithe and mal-

leable versions of themselves.

You’ve probably heard some version of Georgia’s story before. Has modern

society stuck it to us both ways? Empowered young females work harder to

look sexier than ever, while they carry far more than their fair share

economically.4

Meanwhile, men have been allowed to become slackers who deliver less

and less. That’s probably why more than a few of us are dreaming of early

retirement and popping antidepressants like Skittles.

Nevertheless, we have good news. We’ve figured out a plan:

Use your sex appeal to score a man who

earns while you’re still young.

It may sound harsh, and it is harsh, but it’s true. Let’s highlight the reasons:

• Your sexual power is unstoppable when you are young.

• You may not believe it now, but you will get older.

• You will get tired.

• You won’t want to work so hard at your job, or to stay thin and beautiful.

• It’s still a man’s workplace and for the vast majority of women the glass

ceiling is practically bulletproof.

• Even if you are successful in your career, most women need a second

income to really make it to the Promised Land of financial security.

It’s time to start treating your life like reality, not a fairy tale. We live in a

world that runs on dollars and good sense.

The GDI can prevent a future that no smart girl believes will happen to her.

We’re not saying become Anna Nicole and go after some old codger just for

his wallet (unless that’s what you’re into). We’re saying find a man to enjoy,

to have fun with, be intimate with, and all that girly jazz. Just remember to

take economics into account. It’s a move toward financial security.

So even if your husband leaves you for someone younger or you get sick of

hanging out with your old man, with a few bucks in your pocket you can

live well, pursue a successful career, and still have a shot at “true love.”

Marry well while you’re still young.

It’s a smart girl’s best chance to “have it all.”